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Why is it dark?
I was standing on a white plane, looking at nothing as white plane in front of me. Nothing else on my left or my right. And above me was the light without a source. I began to walk. There was no direction. There was only the white plane. Endless steps. Endless space. Endless light. Nothingness.
I need something.
Between my feet the plane began to crack and grass grow among the small flat pieces. I didn’t stop. The cracks spread faster around me and stretch into the endlessness of the white plane. And just in the next moment everything was littered with green grass and endless little broken fragment of the plane, which glittered by the light above. Everything. Again, nothingness. I paused and closed my eyes.
Something else.
The smell of dust and herbs. I opened my eyes. I stood surrounded by trees. A forest. Below my feet I felt the cold earth. The grass was mostly gone. Only at the few spots, where the crowns of the trees didn’t hide away the light, I could see some. I looked up to the light.
Another light.
I could feel the warm of the sun on my face. Clouds were moving slowly over the sky and a light wind blow through my hair. Now there were certain constrains. I couldn’t see the endless space. And each tree was different. Even the plants, herbs and every single blade of grass was unique. Yet it was still nothingness. No meaning.
I want a meaning.
I turned around and started walking again. Now there was a direction. No south or north, but a direction to a point. A single centre in the endless space. Many trees passed by before I saw it. A small wooden house on a clearing. Two floors and a peakish roof. Great windows. Everything clean.
I opened the door and stepped in. The hall corridor was slim and I turned right by the first door to enter the filled living room. On the other side of the room was a poorly equipped kitchenette. I took one of the four chairs from the dining table and placed it in front the window. Then I sat down. Waiting for my friend to come. And I know he would come. Waiting and starring at my blue dotted curtain. But there was no time. So I never waited.
My friend stepped out of the shadow of the trees and went straight to the door of my house. He had fair hair and a tall structure. He smiled happily. I stood up to attend the door for him. He greeted me and entered the house. We sat together on the dining table and he told be about the beautiful colours of the wood and the sunshine. Always with his fool grin on his face. There was no need for him to change.
Give him a reason to change.
I looked out of the window. I caught a glimpse of a kid passing by. Face to face to my house was a dated flower shop with a rusty signboard swinging and squeaking in the wind. Next to it was a similar house to mine, but only with a ground floor.
“… even listen to me?”, my friend had been leaning over to me and touched my arm.
I looked in his face. He seemed to be miffed at me. He didn’t smile. Good. No more same mood forever.
Yet I let my glaze wander on my arm. Who am I?
I want to be.
“Sorry, what did you say?”, I heard myself talking with a male voice. It has always been mine.
He sighted. “The girl”, he said insistently, “blond hair, snub nose, always helping out that old granny at the flower shop.”
I nodded. He was telling me that he liked her.
“Isn’t she cute? I know you are always watching that store, but you don’t mind, do you?”
I shook my head.
He busted out laughing lout, “Yeah, that’s great. See, I kinda like her.”
Then he lend back, trying to steal a peep at her through the window. I didn’t have to look. She wasn’t there. And here again, he sighted again. Nothing changed. Predictable. Still meaningless.
Have your own will.
“You know”, he stopped and tried again looking out for her. While I stared at him, thinking that I didn’t know.
“sometimes you just don’t listen.”
He smiled stupid and stood up. “I’ve gotta go, otherwise my old man will make a big fuss again.” He was already in the corridor, when his head suddenly pop into the door fame. “Come visiting me next time, okay?”
I nodded amazed and he left. I couldn’t predict him any more. But I know that this was only a question of time. And there was still no time.
There should be time. And death and birth.
Still this wasn’t enough. I filled the endlessness and created a place. I created life and gave it its own will. I created time and gave each life an end. As to complete the circle they can give birth. But there is still one thing missing. I am the only controller.
So I need fate.
And with this it should be set. I can peacefully play house forever.